A social faux pas that we all could do well to stop

I'm noticing an unusual trend in my conversations with people, and it's not just with one or two individuals. It's with a lot of folks.

They jump on my comments before I can finish them and either respond or, in the case of a question I might be answering, answer the question they think I'm going to ask before I have a chance to get the complete thought out of my mouth. I decided to tap out this post, in fact, because someone at work just cut me off in mid-sentence with a remark that, as it turns out, had nothing to do with where I was going with my own statement.

More than half the time when I'm cut off like that, the other person's comment -- as in the case just now -- has little or nothing to do with what I was going to say, or ... in situations where I might have been asking a question, the premature response doesn't answer or address the precise question I was going to ask. It responds to what they thought I was going to say or ask. Worse, it often totally disrupts my thought process, and I can't even remember what I was going to say or where I left off to later finish the thought or question if it turns out the other person just didn't get it.

Why do people do this? It bothers the hell out of me, and I find it to be quite rude. The irony in all this is that in a world where we often find ourselves complaining when people ignore us totally, this little faux pas seems to show we are going in the opposite direction with our social etiquette.

In fairness and candor, I know I do it myself. I haven't been able to track my own transgressions long or thoroughly enough yet to determine if I'm doing it A) in a retaliatory way -- i.e., subconsciously targeting only people who have been doing it to me (in which case, I might be able to deflect blame on them for starting it in the first place!); B) doing it subconsciously and randomly because I've been victimized myself and I find myself inadvertently racing to get my thought process in before someone else cuts me off; or C) I could be responsible for starting it in the first place!

I hope it's not "C," and I have been trying lately to do better on my end, making a conscious effort NOT to jump on other people's comments prematurely, especially those whose lines I know I've jumped on previously. I know I slip and still do so anyway, but I don't think I'm doing it as often as I used to.

Is anyone else experiencing this? I have a few theories on why it might be happening. In some cases, I sense people -- myself included -- are trying to show we are listening ... and by jumping in with a premature thought, we're trying to show we're correctly anticipating the thought process, thereby assuring the other person that we are paying attention to what they're saying. Unfortunately, it's not working. Surely, my jumping in on other people's lines has to be as annoying to them as it is when they or others do it to me.

In other instances, we jump in prematurely because we feel rushed and don't want to wait around for the complete thought and want to advance the conversational thread right now. I think this explanation, however, is the ultimate in disrespect to someone else. I'm not sure if I'm guilty of this explanation when I do it; I could be, but I hope not.

If there are other explanations for why we do this, I'm not sure what they are, but I'm open to hearing them. I do know we all need to try harder to stop it.

As I said earlier, it's rude. We really need to "just stop it"!

To those I've offended when I've done this myself, I apologize ... and I assure you I've done this subconsciously ... not really intending to be mean or rude, even though I know in hindsight that it really is rude.

BET's awards show tribute to 'The King of Pop'

I'd never watched a full BET Awards show before last night, but during the day I saw a promo about it -- either on television or online -- that indicated BET had made furious revamps to the program in the 48 hours or so after Michael Jackson had died and would transform the show into a MJ tribute.

Supposedly, stars and entertainers who wouldn't normally show up, or hadn't planned on showing up, were now telling BET they would be there, "coming out of the woodwork," as one entertainment industry executive put it. It promised to be a star-studded tribute, so I decided to look in. I was surprised; it was very well done. It also was an education.

I hadn't known, for example, just how good of a singer actor and comedian Jamie Foxx was until watching the show. Foxx served as host of the awards show which, by the way, seemed less about awards than about music and Michael Jackson. But I'm not complaining; it was very entertaining, and it sure made me think this is the way "awards" shows should be handled. In the scope of things -- and comparing the BET show to, say, the Oscars -- I'm all in favor of far fewer awards (but also a much tighter-run show)!

I also got my first real look at some names in contemporary music that I hadn't seen or heard much of -- Lil' Wayne, Maxwell, Ne-Yo, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Soulja Boy, Keyshia Cole and Keri Hilson to name a few. Monica, Bell Biv DeVoe and Keith Sweat also were on hand; I'd heard of them. Oh, and the NBA's 2008-09 MVP LeBron James was there -- BET named him the athlete of the year.

Foxx and the New Edition did an MJ tribute at the very start of the show, Foxx sampling MJ material from the Billie Jean era (including a short reprise of the "Beat It" video and a moonwalk that I admired largely because Foxx didn't care that he was a bit rusty on the finesse -- he claims he hadn't done it since 1983), and the New Edition (Ralph Tresvant, Michael Bivins, Ronnie DeVoe, Ricky Bell, Bobby Brown and Johnny Gill) reprising Jackson 5 tunes like "ABC" and "The Love You Save."

Beyonce sang a medley that included Sarah MacLachlan's "Angel" and periodic phrases from the Latin liturgical hymn "Ave Maria." It was beautiful; when she reached the end, and actually started singing the opening lyrics to the hymn, I started tearing up. It was that moving. Unfortunately, she stopped after "Ave Maria, gratia plena, dominus tecum."

BET honored the O'Jays at the ceremony, designating them to receive the "lifetime achievement" award. Tevin Campbell, Ne-Yo and Foxx ripped through a medly of O'Jays hits, including "Backstabber," before the O'Jays themselves came up, accepted the award, and proceeded to do their own medley of their hits, including "Used to Be My Girl" and "For the Love of Money." The latter, incidentally,is the theme song for the Donald Trump NBC television series "The Apprentice." I was very surprised that "Love Train," perhaps the O'Jays' biggest hit, was not included in either medley.

The show ended on two powerful notes. First, Janet Jackson came out to center stage and addressed the crowd. She said her family wanted to attend (which in a way was kind of weird, because her father, Joe Jackson, sat in the front row for the full show), but that it was too painful. So, she said, the family sent her to represent them. She said that while MJ was considered an icon to most everyone else, to the Jacksons, he was was family. She then thanked everyone for their kindness and support and walked off.

Then Ne-Yo, who earlier had sung Jackson's "The Lady in My Life," joined Foxx and Stevie Wonder (the latter playing piano) for a very moving rendition of the Jackson 5's "I'll Be There."

A visit with 'Old Friends'

On Facebook the other day, I mentioned that early this week I had watched a "Great Performances" installment on PBS in which former Blind Faith bandmates Steve Winwood and Eric Clapton teamed up for a concert at Madison Square Garden this year.

The music was wonderful, as I expected it would be if both men -- now in their 60s -- were "on," and they were. The show reminded me of a very musically rich period of my life, circa 1971. It's the year, as I recall, that album-oriented FM radio stations really took off, and when baby boomers like me quickly embraced it as a viable -- and much preferable -- option to the pop fare still being dished out on AM stations. Baby boomer's offspring might find it difficult to imagine that the AM dial still was a strong component in radio listening back then, but it was.

A quick diversion: I worked four semesters as a DJ on the UW-Eau Claire AM station at the time, WSUR. There was a tiny snag with WSUR back then, however: Its programming could be heard only by people in the buildings on the UWEC campus. That has long since changed, but back then, it was a way for aspiring broadcasters to cut their teeth "on the air" without having to apply for and pay for FCC-required broadcast licenses.

But back to album-oriented rock on FM stations ... We were hearing a lot of Blind Faith, Traffic, Hendrix, Blodwyn Pig, Derek and the Dominos, Wishbone Ash and other non-pop music there, and all of it was a revelation. Blind Faith and Traffic, in particular, produced some eye-opening sounds and hooks, not to mention that they incorporated un-rocklike instrumentation into their repertoire. Horns -- saxophones, in particular -- were big in Traffic, and on the band's classic "John Barleycorn Must Die" album, the FM station I listened to in Milwaukee often played the album's horn-and-rhythm-rich lead tracks "Glad" and "Empty Pages" back to back. People who didn't know better (including myself at first) thought the two tracks were actually one!

I brought a lot of that music with me to Eau Claire and WSUR when I started my first semester on the air. I know our listenership was limited, but it still was something I enjoyed doing immensely ... and reflect back on fondly even today. It was one of my top "dream" jobs at the time -- right up there with playing Major League Baseball or performing in a rock band.

In the Madison Square Garden show on PBS, Winwood and Clapton opened with "Had to Cry Today," the lead track on the one and only Blind Faith album (Clapton was never happy in the group, as it reminded him of his animosity-laden "supergroup" days with his prior band, Cream, so he drifted away after the album's release in July 1969 and one-and-only tour the following month. The two other members were Clapton's Cream bandmate Ginger Baker, the drummer, and guitarist and Winwood's Traffic bandmate and Ric Grech).

"Had to Cry Today," as performed in the Madison Square Garden show, was one of the few songs on the bill in which both men played guitar (multi-instrumentalist Winwood is a bit better known for his skills on keyboard). It opens with a delightfully driving guitar riff that repeats through the whole number. By the time Winwood and Clapton arrive at the point where they let loose on independent -- and simultaneous -- guitar solos that dazzle and amaze, the crowd -- and I -- were hooked. When they had finished the song, I did something I rarely do while watching TV: I yelped with glee and cheered. It was that good.

They eventually performed "Presence of the Lord" and an extended version of "Can't Find My Way Home," both also from the Blind Faith album; two instrumentally powerful renditions of Jimi Hendrix's "Voodoo Chile" and "Little Wing;" Clapton's "Forever Man;" and Traffic's "Glad" and "Mr. Fantasy."

I was so captivated, I found myself lining up Traffic and Blind Faith tracks to compile a homemade mix CD to burn. Perhaps it'll be ready in a week or two.

Oh ... if you weren't already aware ... the phrase between quotes in the headline -- Old Friends -- is a tip of the hat to Clapton; it's the title of a song he performed on one of MTV's first "Unplugged" concerts back in the early 1990s.

Back to work, so ... let's talk more gardening!

Ugh. Today, it was back to the grind. Work for a living, I mean. Having been off work since May 30, this extended time away has been blissful, and merely because I didn't have to experience the grind that I have come to detest.

I had wanted to take some one-day photo excursions while I was off, but that didn't happen. Instead, a lot of my free time on good-weather days was spent in my gardens, which I really did enjoy. It proved to be therapeutic ... and satisfying. And ... I found myself envisioning two spots on the lawn -- on either side of my brick patio -- that could be expanded into additional garden space. I don't think I'll do that, however, if after this summer it turns out I was mostly unsuccesful with my first foray into growing vegetables (other than tomatoes, I mean).

As you well know from previous posts, I have lettuce and broccoli growing right now, with the former ready to pick and the latter plants very huge (larger than I had envisioned) and probably a week or so away from sprouting florets to pick. I do hope the florets come soon, however.

Both lettuce and broccoli are supposed to be "cool" weather crops -- they don't like temperatures above 70 degrees, and we've already had a couple days where the high temperatures crept into the 80s, and you can be sure that the deeper we go into June and summer, we'll be seeing many more of those days. As cool weather crops, I can try to plant a second crop of each in August, timed so that by the time the plants get big enough to harvest, it will be well into October, and cooler temperatures.

Meanwhile, last week, I planted carrot and cucumber seeds. Most of the cucumber seeds are in the genus garden near where the broccoli now grows. The carrots I spread out -- a couple near the tomato plant, a few more in the spring bulb section of the genus garden, and two in the north garden next to the rose bush. The other day in that garden, not far from where I sowed the carrot seeds, I notice a seedling I did not knowingly plan or plant. I almost yanked the growth, thinking it was weed. Upon closer inspection, the foliage looked just like that on my tomato plant growing near the garage. If so, it undoubtedly sprouted from the seed of a cherry tomoto I discarded last year while harvesting fruit from one of two tomato plants from last year, the one I had placed at the east end of the row of asiatic lily bulbs. I left it alone and may transplant it later if my suspicions prove correct.

If it really is tomato, this would mark the first time I've ever been able to grow tomatoes in one season from seed dropped from a previous season. And it might motivate me to actually TRY to do that at the end of this fall season to see if I can do it again next spring.

* * *

Yesterday, on my last day off before returning to work, I watched a wonderfully entertaining HBO movie: "Kit Kittredge: An American Girl." It's the story of a wise, spunky and warm-hearted 10-year-old journalist and her family living in Cincinnati during the Depression era. What grabbed my interest to watch it in the first place was my recent reading of "Tales of an American Hobo" by "Reefer" Charlie Fox.

A very integral storyline of "Kit" includes hoboes. Early in the film, two very young hoboes stop at Kit's home in search of work to feed themselves, and they in turn lead Kit and her neighborhood friends to a nearby hobo "jungle," or village, where the kids get to meet quite a few adult-age hoboes. Later, the two younger hoboes are wrongly accused in a series of robberies in the area and adjoining states, and Kit -- who up to this point has been rebuffed in her attempts to get her feature stories published in the Cincinnati newspaper -- puts her cub reporter investigative nose to work to prove it. Very well worthwhile watch -- for all ages.

It has a strong cast, too -- Chris O'Donnell and Julia Ormand play Kit's parents, and Stanley Tucci and Joan Cusack play guests who move into the Kittredge home as boarders when the family seeks additional income to address mountnig financial difficulties.

Abigail Breslin plays the charasmatic Kit.

You can visit the film's Web site.

Television and banks: the banes of my existence

A little more than a month ago, when my satellite receiver wouldn't let me fast-forward, pause, reverse or access the programs I'd recorded on the DVR, I called DISH Network to see about rectifying this. After putting me through a battery of "tests" to find the problem, they concluded my receiver was fried, they'd send me a new one and I'd have to ship the old one to their tech repair center.

I wasn't thrilled by this, but I had no choice. Just like how, for years as a cable TV customer, I had felt I was always at the mercy of the monopoly cable franchise, I felt much the same about DISH, even though there are other options out there now. Starting over seemed like a more-than-I-wanted-to-do prospect.

The new receiver arrived in a relatively timely fashion, and I had to install it myself. I followed the directions closely, and even though it took a little while, I got it working with a bit of assistance from DISH, which I had to call near the end of the process to activate it. The DISH people reminded me to pack up the old receiver within 10 businesses days, or I could be assessed a penalty (though they didn't say what). They also said that if their techs found that the receiver's problem was my fault (and I don't know how they would be able to determine that, but I decided not to fret about it until or unless it happened) there "might" be a service charge. When I asked how much of charge, they said there was no way of telling.

Other than a few flakey problems with the remote in the back bedroom, everything thereafter went relatively fine. Until I noticed the billing on my May statement from DISH. They socked me -- with no warning -- for $400, apparently because they had decided somehow that the receiver malfunction was my fault. So I began to fret. I called DISH the next day, and as soon as I reached a live voice (I neglected to mention earlier the automated-response gantlet one must get past to reach a live person), my first words after the nice lady said, "What can I do for you today?" were, "You can remove the $400 billing this month for the malfunctioning receiver you didn't tell me was coming, or else I'm canceling my account."

To her credit, the woman stayed calm and asked what happened, and I explained the many days' worth of trouble that the malfunctioning receiver had caused me, the consternation involved in troubleshooting the problem, the trouble I went through to pack it up and return it, and the half-hour to 45 minutes it took me to install the new one. She connected me to a manager, who without much persuasion, promised me DISH would credit my account $400. I thought he meant they would cancel the billing and credit my bank account.

Unfortunately, the debit came at a time when my bank account had less than $400 in it, and because the day before I had moved a chunk of money out of my savings account to address another expense, I had no backup funds to plug the hole in my checking account until the next pay day, which wasn't until the following week. I was facing the possibility of being stuck with an overdraft fee of $64. I was furious. I called the bank to explain, and they ping-ponged me to DISH, saying the $400 was still pending, so if DISH could cancel the debit, I would be OK. I called DISH back, and they told me the debit already was shown as charged, so it was out of their hands. All they could do was to push through a separate authorization to credit the account. I knew I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had no court of appeals to turn to. But I still thought, at the least, that at some point I would see $400 drop back into my bank account.

I found out only today -- when I hadn't seen the money return to my bank account some two weeks later, and went to my DISH account online in hopes of finding out why not -- that DISH had meant they would credit my DISH account, not my bank account! I'm furious all over again ... but this time, I'm just going to "Let It Be."

And do more reading. Hey, I just finished a book about hobo "Reefer" Charlie Fox, and I really do enjoy going through my photography magazines ...

2009 gardens revisited: here are updated pictures

It was difficult composing the garden post the other day without having pictures to go along with it. So ... today, I rectified that little oversight. Took quite a few pictures with my Pentax Optio Z10 compact, and I present them here now. If you need additional background, just refer to my post from the other day -- the one headlined: 2009 garden(s).


ABOVE: A side view of the front garden, largely perennials accented in front by a day lily. My last front garden hosta (most have been transplanted) is in the back right. All the bare spots you see were seeded two days ago with two annuals -- orange/bronze marigold and yellow and burgundy wildflower. I don't expect to see blooms probably till mid- to late July.


ABOVE: The third year of an Endless Summer hydrangea. I'm not expecting to see buds or blooms yet. Maybe next year? This is in the front side garden.


ABOVE: I didn't mention this the other day because I hadn't seen it, but this is the sole survivor of three calla lilies I planted (near where the hydrangea now is) in the front side garden. The callas were planted three summers ago, and this one has come back every year.


ABOVE: The much-ballyhooed broccoli patch, which is on the east end of the genus garden. I seeded some cucumbers in this patch garden the other day, hoping that by the time the broccolo is harvest, the cukes might begin to emerge.


ABOVE: A closeup of one of the broccoli plants. Still no edible florets, though.


ABOVE: One of the loose-leaf lettuce plants; this one is just right of the tomato plant (below).


ABOVE: The tomato plant, going strong. In the foreground, just the other day, I seeded some carrots and cucumbers.


ABOVE: The circular garden in the back yard, where bachelor's buttons (blue) are on the outer rim and raspberry zinis are in the middle. If you see a different color foliage between them, it's the remnants of the spring tulip leaves, which soon will brown and dry. The buttons and zinia were seeded in mid-April. I hope to see blooms by the end of this month.


ABOVE: A closeup of a bachelor's button.



ABOVE: Closeups of the zinias.


ABOVE: Some of the buttons and zinias were transplated to the genus garden, at the end where spring bulbs crocus, daffodil and hyacinth have long ago withered.


ABOVE: The asiatic lilies, in their second season. Look at all the buds. Last year, each plant sprouted only ONE bud each!


ABOVE AND BELOW: Closer views one of the asiatic lilies.




ABOVE: The small plant to the left of the garage apron is an asiatic lily planted last year. A neighbor, who maintains the yard (and cuts grass) immediately left of this view, accidentally mowed over the sprouting lily foliage last year, thinking it was weed, so the lily didn't have a chance to root properly like the others in the back yard. See closeup below.


ABOVE: This is what the asiatic lily next to the garage looks like today; this also is what all the others asiatic lilies looked like last year, although perhaps slightly taller: just the single bud on the crown.


ABOVE: This is the one lament of the gardening season -- the transplating of hostas to the south garden. Bad move; they get far more sun than I had thought. You can see in the foreground how the foliage on that plant is drying up. In the bare spots between the hostas, I seeded more of the marigold and wildflower two days ago.

A good time was had by all

So the beer-tasting/ribs fest is history. Jakob and Lizzy came along with Ben and Joey, and it was challenging to find ways to entertain the kids while the adults drank beer. But we soldiered on.

Ben brought Killian's Red and Modelo, Joey brought Guinness and Red Stripe, and I had New Castle and Grolsch. I was hoping to get the boys' opinions on their favorites, but neither cast an official vote. I voted, however; I thought the decided winner was Modelo (a Mexican beer, I'm told). Of the beers the boys brought, I had tried only the Killian's and Guinness previously.

The ribs were great! To the grandkids, they were "special chicken" (eyeroll). Lizzy did take several bites, and Jake one or two. They were more interested in finding other things to do.

Poppy Joe is going to have to store a few toys at his place for future visits ...